Why I need formal mentorship

Do you remember in grade school when you’d walk up to your crush, ready to ask “will you be my valentine?”, only to back down and instead slip a generic note in their cardholder when no one was looking? For me, that uneasy feeling associated with the possibility of rejection hasn’t gone away as an adult. Today, asking someone “will you be my mentor?” comes with the same elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, and butterflies in my stomach. 

I’ve been lucky enough to have fierce sponsors in my career, but I have to admit, it wasn’t because I sought these out. I’d proven myself through my work and won over an influential leader early on who, honestly, did the rest for me - gave me credit when speaking with higher ups, opened up doors for me, put career-enhancing challenges and opportunities in front of me, and coached me through every obstacle I faced, no matter how big or small. She made it easy to succeed and I progressed quickly with that type of support behind me. 

When my department was the subject of a mass layoff, within a couple hours I went from a promising trajectory, to confused and alone as I watched every last endorsement I had at the company walk out the door. Survivor’s guilt was something I had read about in textbooks, but did I ever underestimate the impact that it would have on me. I remember the feeling of holding it together all day at work and the moment I’d close the car door to drive home at the end of the day, I’d break down. For months, anxiety attacks were almost a daily occurrence. My work suffered and there was a cloud of disappointment in the interactions with those around me - I was the one who survived, why was I not performing better? The feeling that I didn’t belong coupled with the perception of failure was overwhelming. 

It was the first time in my career that I was truly on my own, and I didn’t know how to fend for myself. It took me a while to seek professional help and start to rebuild my spirit (and I still work at it every single day). The bright, confident and courageous girl that won me sponsors in the first place was gone and I’m still not sure if I lost her when my supporters walked out the doors, or if I lost her before that while I was taking a back seat to my own career. Having sponsorship early on was great to accelerate my growth, but not ever having to advocate for myself put me in a position where I didn’t have the tools to move forward. 

Moving past my crippling survivor’s guilt and imposter’s syndrome meant expanding my network outside of work. I joined the Young Women In Business Membership to tackle the feeling of isolation, and the community of women has helped me find solace in the experiences and perspectives of others. But right now I am still that grade school girl that doesn’t quite know how to ask the question, and until I can, I will seek formal mentorship programs where others can break the ice for me while I work on finding my voice again. 

Along with some adhoc skills-based mentorship through Product by Women, I’ve applied to the Young Women in Business Elevate Mentorship Program where the organizers will take my unique needs into consideration to find a mentor that will check all my boxes, and also challenge me beyond what I think I need. What I like about this program in particular is that I will have the opportunity to connect with all mentors and mentees in the program, as well as members of the YWiB community. I also like that I am able to provide names of people I’d like to connect with - in roles I’d love to be in, or companies I dream of working at - and the organizers will do the work to connect us. 

I’d encourage anyone with fierce supporters in your organization to, yes, embrace those relationships! But also seek out mentorship and communities outside of your immediate circles. Take what you learn from these leaders and use your own voice to advocate for yourself. And if you too are nervous popping the question to that possible mentor you’ve been fan-girling on LinkedIn, find yourself a program that will do it for you!

The Young Women in Business Elevate Mentorship Program is accepting applications until the end of February. Apply here.